Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
