just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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