girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
