I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
