I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
