but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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