dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
our cab driver is having phone sex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she told me i tasted like america
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
