It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
