oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My room smells like vodka and shame
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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