The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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