drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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