I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
