i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
