I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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