I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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