During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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