I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
