Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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