My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
