He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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