I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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