I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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