Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
