I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
