dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he thought i was a dude.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
