oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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