Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
