it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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