i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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