Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's shark week go big or go home
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
