My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
