You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
