I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm bleeding and have questions
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
