spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
