shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
