I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
