I have demons in me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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