im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
