Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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