i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
