I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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