Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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