Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
