I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
