Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
