i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
