I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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