Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
