I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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