So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We left an ass print on the piano.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
