we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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