ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
