Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
