Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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