Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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