My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
