then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
